• Witz

Denver Area and Surrounding Suburbs:Phillip Lindsay is Moving Out of His Parents House

We've all heard the stories of Wilt the Stilt sleeping with 20,000+ woman, Antonio Cromartie and his eight baby mamas, I mean for godsake Marshall Faulk and Ray Lewis can play a 5v5 pickup game with their baby mamas. Along with any fame and being a world class athlete; woman are sure to follow.


Now imagine you go undrafted, grinded your ass onto your hometown roster, worked up to RB1, and than buss' it to become the first undrafted rookie to make a Pro Bowl, all in a years work. At age 24, you would expect Phillip Lindsay to engage in the normal leisure activities for any young millionaire: Partying and Chasing Puss. Phillip Lindsay or Philly Cheesesteak as I call him (just a gritty, greasy, mess to handle), just ain't built like that though. The same man that has been maybe the only bright-spot in the shitstorm of a Denver offense for the past year and a half, GOES HOME TO HIS MOMS AND PAPS AFTER EVERY GAME. I mean just imagine you put up this game in your 2nd week in the NFL

You and the boys are hyped about a last second comeback and your the reason why the offense was able to get going. Everyone's going to celebrate, but hold up, Mom's got a fresh box of Kraft on the burner and dino nuggets in the oven, looks like the boys gotta hold off till another day. Something clicked in Philip's brain this week though. Like a haf-torah verse at a young gentelmans bar mitzvah, Phillip Lindsay turned into a man right before our very eyes.


I walked out of class, popped the headphones in, and opened the ESPN app looking for something to read on my walk to the car. Not even a full finger scroll before ESPN delivered with one of those life-altering type headlines that you read and find the nearest seat in case of fainting.


Now that Phillip's moving out of the basement and probably into a couple million dollar property somewhere in Cherry Creek, watch out Denver. I like to imagine that he's still very childish at heart and dream that the first thing he does in his new house, is invite the buddies over, buy a 12-pack of MTN Dew , and get to business on the new COD. Only difference between him and a normal child is he has to wake up and juke the jockstraps off 300 pound animals.


Bless you Phillip. Hope leaving the parents house doesn't hurt the run game. Best wishes to you and the boys on that COD grind.

© 2023 by The Halftimers. Proudly created with Wix.com

The Halftimers Newsletter